Limits. Yes, You Have Them

What are limits?

Limits are usually split into hard limits and soft limits. Hard limits are your absolutely nos. These may include things you have tried in the past that you never want to do again, or it may simply be things that you have absolutely no interest in. Soft limits are your maybes. These usually are things you have yet to try and are curious about trying in the right settings.

Everyone has limits. And yes, even as a sub it’s ok to have limits and stand by those limits. Also, there’s nothing wrong if one of your limits happens to be a kink that that Dom(me) really enjoys. Example, I LOVE chastity but I do understand that it’s not for everyone. I don’t expect that one sub will be able to fulfill every single kink that I have.

I will never have a session or do a scene with a sub until I have discussed their limits. Many have come to me and said they have no limits. And then I ask, “So, I can brand you and cut off your dick?” They very quickly change their tune.

Even I, as a Domme, have limits and therefore there are some kinks that I choose not to engage in with subs. Some of them include blood play, knife play and needle play. I have no interest in these particularly but also, I don’t feel as though I am capable of safely instructing a sub to do these through an online platform.

Sometimes your limits may change. For the longest time toilet play (watersports and scat) were a hard limit for me. Now, they’re more of soft limits as there are certain aspects about it that I’m curious about and am a bit more willing to try. Some of that comes as my knowledge of BDSM grows and evolves. However, it can also come from a growing D/s relationship. As you connect deeper with your Dom(me) and the trust deepens as well, you might find yourself open to trying things that you thought you would never try.

I know I say this a lot, but it’s really all about communication. You don’t have to be scared to talk about your limits and you shouldn’t hesitate to stop a session or leave a D/s relationship should someone not respect your limits.

With that being said, I do enjoy pushing ones limits. I’ll never push a hard limit but for me BDSM is about exploration, so I love exposing subs to kinks they’ve never tried. Being with them and guiding them through that first time. Banding is a good introduction to CBT. I had a sub that wasn’t very interested in CBT but was willing to try it. I walked him through it and was with him every step of the way. He put a lot of trust into me and I felt it really deepened our connection. He came to crave slapping or squeezing his balls for me, because he knew how much it made me happy.

Be introspective with your limits. And also know, you don’t owe anyone an explanation of your limits either.

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