I admit it. I’m a sadomasochist through and through. And impact play is just… *chef’s kiss*.
I started as a masochist. And something that I’ve learned about those who find pleasure in pain or find pleasure in giving pain is the initial “what the fuck is wrong with me?” thoughts one might have.
Don’t worry. We’ve all been there. Why did I love the feel of cold steel handcuffs digging into my wrists? Was there something fucked about the hardwiring of my brain? Was this something to do with the fact I was spanked as a child? Society told me this was wrong. I shouldn’t be enjoying something like this. It took me several months to really just say, fuck it.
And you want to know why? Because it doesn’t have to be rationalized. I don’t need to know the why.
I was engaging in this as a consenting adult with another consenting adult that I trusted. And it feels so good.
The acceptance of myself as a sadist came much easier. I didn’t even realize I was one until a chastity sub mentioned how much delight I received from teasing him and making him swell in his cage. “You know, that does actually hurt.” I remember him saying. “And?” was my reply. It just went downhill (maybe uphill?) from there.
As a masochist, the pain is a beautiful release. I struggle with anxiety and depression. And while I’ve done therapy and I’m currently on meds, it still sometimes is difficult for my mind to just shut the fuck up. But when I’m in an impact scene, I have one singular focus. The sting.
My mind and my body is offered to the Dom for the duration of the scene and I don’t have to think about anything. I love that clarity. And sometimes, I need that blank slate.
Impact toys can be fun and I’ve used and have had several used on me. But what really does it for me is skin to skin contact. His palm hitting my bare ass as he whispers in my ear. His hand around my neck while he looks me directly in the eyes. His hands around my wrists as he takes me and makes me his.
As a sadist, my singular focus is you. Making you take pain for me but also cherishing the trust you have in me to not take it too far. That first sharp inhale of the scene is pure bliss for me. Pushing you. Seeing how much you can take. Knowing that while you do enjoy the pain (at least to an extent), you’re doing this for me.
It’s a symbiotic relationship. A sadist needs a masochist and vice versa.
When it comes to impact play, I also enjoy the beauty of the trust involved. At my first play party, which I’ve recently written about, I did my first impact scenes with people I hadn’t known previously. Safe words and limits were discussed. Check ins throughout the scene occurred.
For me, impact play is erotic but not necessarily sexual. I mean, sure, either side is a turn on. But the scene in and of itself can be gratifying without any kind of penetration. It can offer me a similar kind of high and release that an orgasm can.
And that’s what’s so special about BDSM and kink. It’s about power dynamics and control. While sex may and can be a part of it, it doesn’t have to be. While impact play does involve pain, it can be just as emotional and intimate as making love can be.