My first taste of BDSM actually came with my first college boyfriend at 18. We went to different colleges and he saw the school girl outfit I wore for Halloween, so the next time I saw him I wore it and we roleplayed a bit. I was spanked for the first time. I loved it but it wasn’t really for him.
Flash forward about three years to college boyfriend number two. He was a virgin before I sunk my teeth into him and he was interested in exploring and bondage. The first time we used metal handcuffs, I was so into it that I pulled against the cuffs and caused marks around my wrists.
After this, I started to think, “What’s wrong with me?” Why was I receiving sexual pleasure from pain? I wondered if something was wrong with me. At this point I started my research. And thank goodness for porn. It took several months of self acceptance but eventually I was able to wrap my head around the fact that it was ok. What was happening was consensual. My partner didn’t have any malicious intent in causing me pain.
People can enjoy pain for many reason. Now, if you are using pain as a sort of personal punishment I strongly urge you to read my post about BDSM and mental health. No judgement, that’s just my personally feeling. For me, it’s the adrenaline. A good old dopamine rush. That first slap on my ass is like a lightning bolt through my body. For others, it’s the submissive aspect of it. Taking whatever your Dom(me) wants to throw at you.
But what about the other side? The sadist?
I grew to enjoy this through exploration as well. I don’t necessarily get sexual pleasure from giving pain necessarily. I enjoy the control aspect of it. Through online sessions, making you hurt yourself for me is just….Mmmmm.
If you’re curious about trying it, my first piece of advice is don’t overthink it. Don’t try to rationalize why you like it. Start out slow. Some light bondage and CBT (Cock and Ball Torture). If you like that, you can continue to step up the pain. And please remember to always keep it SSC. (Safe, Sane and Consensual).