This is about the collar. What it means and its significance within the BDSM community.

The closest thing that comes to symbolizing a collar in the vanilla world would be a wedding ring. But I’m not sure that even that is quite the same.

If submission is the greatest gift that a submissive can give, then the collar is the greatest gift that a Dom(me) can give. It can be a physical marker, such as a tattoo or a piercing. Or an actual item, such as a neck collar or bracelet. Once it is given by a Dom(me), it can only be removed by the Dom(me). And if the journey between the Dom(me) and sub should end, the collar is returned to the Dom(me).

Collaring to me means complete devotion. The needs, wants and desires of the Dom(me) have become what is most important. But it’s beyond the physical and the sexual. It’s no longer a want to serve but a need to. It’s remaining loyal even when it hurts. Taking anything that your Dom(me) may throw at you willingly and smiling. Once a sub demonstrates that, then they might be ready for a collar.

Not every submissive is going to be right to collar. And there is nothing wrong with remaining an owned sub and not taking the final step of collaring. Remember this should all be whatever you and your Dom(me) feel is right.

Now, I’m not going to judge anyway who chooses to collar their sub within the first two weeks. If you know, you know. But has that submissive truly proven themselves? I don’t care if you’ve sent me four digit tributes, it takes more than that to earn my collar.

It takes trust.  This is something that can only be developed over time. I trust that you would never ghost me. I can leave you in a room full of Dommes and trust that you will emerge still completely devoted to me.

It takes pain. I will push you. Push your limits. I will give you tasks that may be painful or that you may think you’re incapable of completing.

It takes loyalty. I am a busy woman. I may go days, even weeks without a full session with you. Some days are so hectic that all I can offer is a short good morning and good night message. But you are loyal. And you remain because you know there is no other place you could dream of being and you wait until I am more available.

It takes love. As my submissive, you have dedicated yourself to me. To be there for me. To be whatever I need you to be. That requires care, compassion and most likely, eventually love. I’m not going to define the shape that that love takes, but it will be there.

In a world of Twitter domination and instant satisfaction, a collared sub should be held in a status above all others. Both Dom(me)s and subs should remember their responsibilities to each other should they choose to take this step.


  1. mike September 18, 2019 at 7:44 pm

    would a fit watch be considered a collar? one the domme has control over so she can see her subs heart rate when she messages him, etc. she can also track his every movement when they enable gps tracking.

    1. goddesssunset October 13, 2019 at 11:42 am

      Potentially. I actually really like the idea of this.

      1. mike February 3, 2020 at 12:17 pm

        Damn, I keep coming back to this post!

  2. Carie Lundeby October 14, 2019 at 8:04 am

    F*ckin’ awesome things here. I’m very glad to see your post. Thanks a lot and i’m looking forward to contact you. Will you kindly drop me a mail?

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